Welcome, Ladies and Gents, to another segment of pointless ranting, crude comedy (I actually have that in writing – wtf are you talking about Ryan?) and just a tiny push of the precipice of insanity. Welcome to my schizo-diaries, where I describe exactly what elated me and what planted itself inside my butt through out the week. (I think we’ve reached a new low. Maybe it’s not a good idea to get high on incense before writing these.)
Today’s topic is social media and how apt it is – for I have taken a dive inside this wonderful and insidious world in an attempt to lure people into buying my book.
As I’m sure you’ve gathered by now I’m not a social person. I’m not anti-social – I just don’t care. I realized the other day that it takes me longer to reply to a marketing email than it does for me to write and edit an entire arc in my story. All the poor woman wanted were 2 links – just a copy and paste that would have taken my less than 3 seconds.
Farting takes longer for god’s sake!!
But I suppose that’s us crazy people.
I used to hate social media – for the longest time ever I refused to get a facebook account claiming that if I wanted to hear people bitching and spewing bullshit I could just get out of the house. Which I don’t do for that explicit reason. So there you have it.
It’s also I find, very easy to offend someone on these social media sites. I’m sarcastic – sarcasm is a tone – which is difficult to put in words unless you have time to edit. And I’m not editing my tweets or comments so flock off. I also find that when you’re liberal with words like ‘retard’ ‘fuck’ and ‘dumbass’ people tend to get hissy fits. Not you, the guy reading this blog – you’re cool and you know it (fistbumps).
You know who I’m talking about. We all have that one asshole friend who spews bigotry for oxygen and claims to be holier than thou. And usually these are the douchebags who respond to comments with caps.
So here’s a little law-laying with my stuff – comment, share and talk to me. But don’t judge and don’t take offense to anything.
That being said I found myself doing a lot of social media stuff this week. My facebook page has just reached over a 100 likes this week, and for that I wish you cookies and love. My twitter handle (@enkousama) is getting more and more followers everyday, and to be honest I pity those people because they have to read my insanity in real time.
I attended my first ever release party on Facebook. Here’s how dumb I am – I actually have to ask around because I though this was a real thing and I have to get a plane ticket to somewhere.
Stop it. Stop judging. Stop giggling. I can see you. I AM you.
I’ve also done my first ever raffle which I hope people are clicking on and entering. I’ll announce the winner next Tuesday so tune in then. I’ll also be posting my cover release and some info on Firstborn.
Also I’m uploading this:
But enough promos – it’s time to get to the nitty gritty of things. Why Social Media is up my ass.
I think this is the device which signals the end of the world. I don’t think there will be a nuclear war or that the climates will fuck us all up. I think we will be extinct before that.
Here’s what social media lacks – 90% of communication is non-verbal. Just body and facial cues. We have lost that ability to send a message over to someone without the need of words (or radio waves for that matter).
I remember those years before facebook when I was going to bars and hanging out with friends. Remember how we used to make fun of our friends who would pick up chicks over drinks and then try to pass off the superficial relationship as something substantial?
Well, I miss those guys.
I see people nowadays – men lurking in a corner hoping to Jedi Mind trick women or those jackasses who pretend to be all nerdy and shy.
Here’s what I wish I saw – charm. What happened to just being charming in conversation and being fucking interesting? We lost that. Nowadays you see couples dating on facebook – are you fucking kidding me! What’s next – divorce by text message?
Look, I’m all for internationalism – without it I’d be an opinionated idiot without a penny. But no way am I going to build something substantial as a relationship or even a friendship over a bundle of terabytes. It’s well and good to be introduced to someone online, that’s what social media is for, but the idea of basing your relationship on just an internet connection is absurd.
Now I understand that it’s a little more complicated than my picture – I’m strangely OK with long-distance relationships because at least there you would have met your partner(s) even if’s just once on a fleeting trip to some long lost corner of the map that the British were too lazy to pen down.
And this is just how it all starts. We create entertainment and shows based on notions of social media. We’re so caught up trying to please person1029xxyz on some site that we forget that reality demands more of our attention that a click of a finger.
We live in a society completely divorced from reality – where we go ‘Oh no you didn’t’ at every little thing that sounds racist or anti-equality on that basis that is we immediately put down anyone with an opinion whatever misguided cause we think we’re fighting for will come true. These would be the same people who are too pussy to challenge governments for a re-address of grievances and the right for their freedom of speech and to tell the icky-rapey-middle-aged-white men in power to find the first cliff and fuck straight off it.
We live in the absurd reality where a generation of useless Armenians have dominion over TV shows and most of the entertainment media whilst real artists have to hear the words ‘budget cut’ a million times a day. We have a society where everything we see or hear may or may not be a fabrication for an ulterior motive. Personally I thought A Handmaid’s Tale was a fiction book but it looks like it’s close to a hard hitting documentary.
At the end of the day why bother with a civilization if you are no longer interested in being civil? Stop trying to cater to the collective masses and have some decency to do what is right – for the sake of doing what is right.
Now; it occurs to me that I went off topic again. But fuck it – it needed to be said. And I by no means am blaming this on social media people or anyone trying to use them properly. The internet is a tool – the problems arise what the tools become the masters and the masters become the tools.
That being said – I hope you follow me on my social media (Hmm, a tad hypocritical there Ryan – shut up, voice) and do engage with me. I want to deal with humans no accounts. I want you to tell jokes and anecdotes. I want you to share whatever it is you wanna share. It might inspire someone else.
At the very least it might inspire a story or character.
Peace out and tune in on Tuesday 29th for a cover release,