Today’s blog is, shockingly enough, about a writing topic – as opposed to the sheer bullshit that I spew out on a weekly basis.
Well it’s not like I’m some authority on writing, so take whatever lessons I impart with a pinch (or a million pinches) of salt. The reason I’m typing this one up is because this week I finished the first novel of a completely new series. there’s still a long way to go before this is ready to hit the shelves but hey, three full length novels in a year (not counting short stories) – I don’t know how you measure success or productivity but that’s my method.
anyone who read my Legacy series, of which there are only short stories out (But the actual book will be out Dec 13th so don’t fret) knows that that series is Fantasy based. You got wizards, magic, fantasy monsters, feats that can only be described as epic – not to mention a sarcastic talking cat.
Although Legacy is technically Urban fantasy, or at least that’s what my editor told me they are called, it also includes into action, humor and light horror.
And now comes the boring preachy part:
We’re a multi-tasking society. Long gone are the days where people specialized in one thing and made that thing well. Nowadays, you gotta be a jack of all trades and master of all if you want to succeed. Take actors for example – they need to act, sing, dance and be role models to people who will turn against them if they so much as pick up something resembling a joint. Date one too many guys and you’re a slut, get caught drunk and you’re the new Linsdey Lohan, and if you ever turn down a scoop interview, then you’re anti social and insane.
It’s all bullshit mind you, but now you get an idea of what type of people artists like myself have to cater to. Today’s generation need quick and easy, constant flipping and continuous engagement. Romance isn’t good enough – you gotta put in bad lines and a sparkly vampire. Sex and spice doesn’t suffice – now you gotta go 50 shades and velociraptor porn.
So I can’t just write the usual urban fantasy – modern day wizard. There needs to be spins and turns – which for a person like myself is all well and good. I get easily bored with most things so the switches are good for me.
But even writing one good book isn’t enough. Publishers rarely pick up anything which is not a series. It’s unfair for people who specialize in stand-alone novels, but I see their point. More books = more money. Just simple math, and we are dealing with a business at the end of the day.
And I got news for authors – write another series. One ain’t gonna cut it. You need a dashboard build up and you need it fast. So whilst writing one series, start another as a pet project. Then turn that one in for profit too.
My pet series is the Pandora Chronicles. Book 1 in done and I don’t wanna name it cos I hate naming stuff. Too much pressure. This one is more sci-fi and action, kinda like a Clive Cussler novel meets Assassins Creed. I got alien gods, I got ancient conspiracy theories, I got a new idea on the origin of the universe (that one goes to you Creationists and Scientologists. try gulping this shit down) and I got a swanky Nathan Drake kinda hero. And yeah, the main idea was inspired by a lot of video games.
Inspiration was easy for this one – inside my head each story has a ‘melody’, an tone and feeling that only I experience as a creator (a feeling which in turn I hope the reader gets to experience as they get along the story but that is their own feeling because each person has a unique interpretation to it). for Legacy I kept hearing this one sound and this one harmony that was unique. For Pandora Chronicles I basically flipped it and went the other direction. The story has none of the Deus Ex Machina that I learned to rely on, such as magic and gimmicks like talking animals. I can’t make up a monster and focus on the ‘great hunt’.
In this new series, whilst the mythology exists (because I am who I am), the story is rooted in reality. there is no magic sword, only a cheap gun. The methods of investigation and the application of action are all rooted in reality, from diving underwater in search of a coffin, to using street fighting and martial arts to disarm a person holding a gun to your head. The research was much more difficult too, since I couldn’t just pull ti out of my ass as I usually do.
And whilst I’m on the subject, I’d like to say hello to the NSA Agent assigned to monitor this blog. For one chapter I had to google search how to create a homemade bomb with bleach, the mechanics of a helicopter (and the best way to throw said bomb to disrupt the rotors), blueprints to an oil tanker in search of a weak side of the hull so that I could blow it up, as well as various intelligence agencies from Israel to Australia. So dear NSA agent, if you are reading this, please know that I pose no threat and that I live half a globe’s revolution away from your beloved tabernacle of wobbly healthcare and cheap donuts. (I just scored a Douchbag point, swish). Dear NSA agent, if you are reading this make sure to take your meds.
So; where does that leave me? For one thing, I gotta pick up a new pet project since I ruined this one by being all professional and shit. I already have on which I started and this one is about an all out sociopath who sets out to destroy the pillars of society by any means necessary.
So if I’m arrested and deemed too insane to be kept in society (about time someone gets a fucking clue) now you know why. And just in case I won’t have time to write a eulogy here’s one: to my manager I leave my crazy ideas that I spam his facebook messages with. To my cat (I don’t have a cat but play along for the sake of the joke) I leave my backups. He’ll probably piss on them and destroy all trace evidence that my work ever existed (ironically doing my abductor’s work for them) but YOU SHALL NEVER KNOW MY SECRETS!!!!
And I’ll leave you with that creepy laugh
(Weird how this turned messy and insane in the last few paragraphs. Maybe there really is a demon inside of me. Or maybe I began writing this at 1 am, passed out in bed and woke up the next day to finish it after 12 hours of errant dreams and just plain errands. Nah, let’s go with the demon. Go, Demon!)