Immortal Nicholas Flamel and some Led Zeppelin

For today’s episode I decided to pick Micheal Scott‘s The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel.

There are six books: The Alchemyst, The Magician, The Sorceress, The Necromancer, The Warlock and the Enchantress. A sexology (mmm… kinky) and I love them all.

My collection
My collection

Here are the main points:

  • World building – an urban fantasy series with some superb site choice and a truly believable narrative.
  • Characters – the multiple POV gives you a chance to fall in love with the protagonists and hats off to the author for making it happen. It’s the mark of a very talented and skillful writer.
  • Writing style – Multiple POV, adventure for children but, really, everyone will be mesmerized by the story craft. Also that ending is BEYOND EPIC.

 

My rating for the book will be 8 stars on 10.

 

Now. . . here’s what happened on the show. I recorded it yesterday, and it failed.

Then I received some good news last night, I woke up very happy, had some chocolate and the demons inside me emerged.

Particularly I keep singing this song by Led Zeppelin. No I don’t know the lyrics. And no I can’t sing.

Doesn’t stop me from trying.

I can say however that this was one of those shows where I had alot of fun doing it. No holds barred, just plain insanity.

Enjoy the show.

 

 

And thank you all for your support in making my dream come true. I would like you to continue your day knowing that you are amazing and a wonderful person.

So play this song, sing with me and hopefully you’ll be as happy as I am right now.

Peace,

Ryan

 

PS. Shout out to fellow author Shannon Thompson (facebook) and her book I could never pronounce, Seconds Before Sunrise. It drops today and we have a sweet release party planned for you guys.

I will see you there.

How to (not) be a successful writer

People of Earth, I come to you with knowledge. Since it is painfully clear that I’ve been shifting tactics as to how to reach you, I’ve finally decided to stick with the stuff that I know (coincidentally also mostly free) and this is one such method which I have chosen to employ.

But enough about the small stuff. I come before you today with glorious purpose, so listen, read and learn.

Can you feel my glorious purpose?
Can you feel my glorious purpose?

How to be A Successful Writer

Tip #1: Writing is easy. Monkeys can do it. All you have to do is push buttons on a keyboard. You can do this all day for a month during NaNoWriMo. So why bother with it? Just spend a month writing fast and hard, hit save and sit back. You are a writer, bitch.

No this is NOT a selfie!!
No this is NOT a selfie!!

Tip #2: Editing is for pussies. You either write well or you don’t. And who can tell what is good writing or bad writing? People will buy anything. They should be grateful that you have taken the time out of your busy schedule to bless them with you words and opinions. If they don’t like it, fuck them. And if you make a mistake – Ah, who are you kidding, you don’t make mistakes.

resized_clean-sheen-meme-generator-i-know-i-m-right-i-m-always-right-and-winning-d3a6ee
Need I add anything?

Tip #3: Don’t waste time reading. You want to write your story and your opinion. So who cares about other people’s shit?

Tip #4: Good covers are a waste of time and money. You’re not gonna pay some fancy-ass dipshit with a Photoshop diploma when you can just slap a Google images picture on a plain word Background. Why does Word have backgrounds in the first place? It’s for you to use it. You can make your own covers because you know best.

Drool motherfuckers, drool.
Drool motherfuckers, drool.

Tip #5: Reviews. Your work is great but those assholes at Amazon are keeping you down. Ranking, my ass. So you need reviews? Write them yourself from an internet cafe and give them all 5 stars because you fucking deserve it! But why should you waste time on your own reviews when you can pay other people to do it? (What are the chances of you being caught?)

Tip #6: If you didn’t follow the sagely advice in Tip #5, then GO DO IT. But if you’re still adamant you want others to honestly (pfft. . .pussy!) review your masterpiece make sure to track down every motherfucker who gave you a negative review. Those are PERSONAL dammit, and you cannot stand for it. Track the down, spam their shit and make them pay!!

(I have friends with machetes; I can hook you up – so to speak)

Tip #7: Marketing is for those snakes in Wall Street. You have no business doing that. You’re work is so awesome that the moment you click ‘submit’ it will shake the literary world as we know it – the land will tremble, men will quake in fear and woman will ovulate.

Sorry for screwing with your otter fantasy
Sorry for screwing with your otter fantasy

Tip #8: Don’t interact. You fans are your servants and if they aren’t fellating you every second of every day, then you have no business acknowledging them. You are too important to answer questions; why can’t those idiots just read the damn books?

Tip #9: Wait did I say Books? Yeah, don’t do that. One book is enough. Look at Hugh Howey – he got famous with ONE book.

Q: But what about JK Rowling and Harry Potter?

A: That bitch probably slept with the publisher.

You need one book and you’ll become an ever night success. On the off chance that you’re tight for money (which won’t happen cos you’d be rolling in fat stacks) then write a sequel or something. I mean, you can always make something up in a month right?

OK this could be a selfie
OK this could be a selfie

Tip #10: You’re awesome – we already established that. The whole world should know how talented you are and you wrote your book. People are amazed, fat stacks are rolling in and everywhere you go bitches get wet. So don’t bother with the whole ‘learning you craft’ shit – what a waste of time. You’re so good (no, AMAZING) that you can spend the rest of your days watching episodes of The Walking Dead and playing Xbox. Occasional you’ll check under the table to see how the slave/fan/bitch is doing but not often – you’re an artist and your time is precious.

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And there you go: ten simple steps on how to go from a wanker with an idea to a FAMOUS AND SUCCESSFUL writer.

 

I have reached the climax . . . of my glorious purpose
I have reached the climax . . . of my glorious purpose

P.S. For those of you who can’t see past the sarcasm and think I’m being serious, kill yourself cos you’re dead inside.

Seriously.

No, no.

Seriously.

I’m not joking.

Seriously
Seriously

Seriously.

Rock and roll dimensional aliens aka The Ecstacy Show

So I’ve asked you on my Facebook page what kind of monster you wanted me to talk about this week and my manager suggested aliens. Which in my sleep deprived state I decoded as Dimensions and parallel universes, because just aliens is too fucking broad.

No I wasn’t high (although if I said yes I might have some justification as to what happens next)

First off – I recorded this on a holiday, so everyone was out of the house and I had been awake for a few hours. Coffee and sugar kicked in and I start the show by singing Paradise
City by Guns and Roses in a voice that can only be described as ‘cat in a blender’.

When I finally exorcise the spirit of Axl Rose from my system, I go into a tirade discussing some shit that happened that week but really I was too happy to be really pissed off.

Following that this guy shows up:

Whose a cute lil' tentacle monster?
Whose a cute lil’ tentacle monster?

I know. I talk about beings from different dimensions in fiction and anime but due to a sugar crash and my heart vibrating to a point where no one could hear shit – I may have started talking at the speed of light.

So for the sake of reference here are some of my references:

The Faceless Ones – Skulduggery Pleasant Series by Derek Landy

Crayak – Animorphs by KA Applegate

Galactus – Marvel

Earthborn – The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott

Outsiders – Dresden Files by Jim Butcher

Outsiders – Dungeons and Dragons

Suisei no Gargantia (Gargantia of the Verdurous Planet) – anime

Nyarko-san: Another Crawling Chaos – anime

Cthulu Mythos by Lovecraft. And here’s a list of the names I failed so miserably to pronounce:

  • Nodens
  • Azathoth
  • Nyarlatohotep
  • Shub-Niggurath
  • Yog-Sothoth
  • Byatis
  • Cthugha
  • Cthulhu
  • Ghatanothoa
  • Hastur
  • Ithaqua
  • Mordiggian
  • Tsathoggua
  • Yig

Holy crap those names are confusing.

At some point I also make a reference to Pyrexia from Magic: The Gathering and my stupid ass forgot that MTG had created a series of gods inspired from the Cthulu Mythos called the Eldrazi (Which is ironically the deck I love playing online).

After all that name calling I think the gods decided to punish me by sending some rock god spirit inside my body again because I massacre the following songs:

Back in Black by AC/DC

and

Paradise City by Guns and Roses (again)

Thank fully I end the show with that bout of insanity. I’m officially calling this one the Ecstasy Show:

Rapid Fire

Blue Stahli
www.fixtstore.com/bluestahli 
www.youtube.com/fixtmusic

Peace out,

Ryan

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Fuck the Gate

This one goes out to all the people who said I’ll never make it and/or all the trolls out there:

 

Fuck the Gate

 

There once was a story,

In strange times it was set.

No villages and strata

Yet demands were all met

 

A villager decided to set on a path

To become a warrior, strong and true.

So he packed his arms, sword and gun,

And a few magic stones too.

 

‘you cannot do that,’

The elder had said

‘on such a journey

You’ll surely end up dead.’

 

But the warriors strode forwards

Without a pause

For he knew his journey

Was the right course and cause.

 

He entered the Erlking’s forest

Of dark creatures and fae

But none of those beings

Held the warrior at bay

 

His biggest obstacle

Was a bridge and a troll

Who he met be accident

During a natural call

 

The bridge was a crossing

To get to the King

He would complete the quest

And the bards shall sing

 

But the troll stopped him.

As the warrior knew he would

‘mortal being, you have

No place within these woods.’

 

So the warrior built a raft

And flew with magic through the sky.

The troll stood amazed

Who knew that little shit could fly?

 

The story ends

With man and Erlking

The warrior returns

And the bards do sing

 

But the moral, my friends

Is far and wide

And by no rule

Did that warrior abide.

 

So should you too

Screw those trends,

Liberty is yours

My dear friends.

 

And for those of you dimwits

Let me translate:

Fuck the Gatekeepers

And Fuck the Gate.

The Covenant

The Lurking Voice episode 11

For this episode I decided to branch out a little and discuss one of the movies that helped shape the Legacy series – The Covenant (2006).

This is a short episode, only 30 minutes long, to compensate for last week’s juggernaut and also because this is the second time I recorded this episode and my throat is sore. . . again.

As a preamble I bitch about the podcast cover art and how the company I hired basically fucked me over by being utter fucktards about everything. I had to cut my losses and get bent for 30$ but at least I didn’t have to pay over a 100 for the design that looks like it was designed by someone who spent the majority of their time being hit over the head with a hammer.

I’ve already found a new company and these deliver a product for only 30$ – and I have to have a cover if I want the podcast on iTunes.

Also, some of you may remember may have read my latest blog post, Why Rewriting is such a Bad Fucking Idea. Thank you for following me (I’m still getting emails and wordpress went bat shit crazy, telling me this was my highest viewed post to date) and thank you for your support.

Speaking of thank you, make sure to get on my mailing list. By this year I should have a lot more material out and I want to make sure the mailing list people get some free stuff when I offer it. I promise not to send long emails – a paragraph or two just to keep in touch and I do encourage you to reply.

Go to my About Me page and click the link at the end. Easy as that.

Back to the blog post – someone (who I will not mention, because they had the courtesy not to mention me) wrote a GIANT blog post detailing how my post fucked them off, not realizing that we were arguing towards the same point. I mean, the only difference was that of definitions, which yes, is very confusing. However, person-who-clearly-hasn’t-understood-my-blog-post, I am not going to argue or engage in any debate. Both of us have our opinions and we are entitled to share them. I appreciate the civility and let’s end it here. See – I can be diplomatic!

Also, today is when A Dangerous Element by Greg Lamb, last week’s guest, drops. There’s a launch party from 7-9 CDT on Facebook. Really, guys, you should attend: we give out prizes like no tomorrow. Books, gift cards, signed copies – you name it. It’s like a Roman Orgy but with words.

A phone sex version of an orgy. (Oh god, AEC people are going to read this – for fuck’s sake, tone it down Ryan!!!)

So to avoid further embarrassment and open a new avenue of head desking (yes that’s a term – look it up), here’s the episode:

covenant

Rapid Fire

Blue Stahli
www.fixtstore.com/bluestahli 
www.youtube.com/fixtmusic

\m/ MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN \m/

Peace out and see you all tonight,

Ryan

Why Rewriting is such a Bad Fucking Idea

I was raised in an academic writing environment, with such bullshit notions such as:

  • you have to rewrite everything a few times before submitting
  • good stories takes a long time to write

Let me just clarify: all the above are pure and utter crap.

The premise behind the rewriting is the fact that no one’s first try is perfect. That much is true. But you cannot simply ignore the basic growth of the human brain. As a matter of fact writers do get better at what they do, and will eventually come to a point where they write a not-so-shitty first draft.

I mean are we expected to labor on something for a couple of weeks (maybe months or years) and then throw it away simply because it’s a first draft? There are times when you’re so into it that you’re falling in love not only with the project but also with the process itself. Why dismiss those simply because of a label? An antiquated one at that?

I never write more than one draft, with the exception of Firstborn. That, I admit, was shitty at first. Every time I would open up the file on my computer I would cringe as if something was missing. After I got signed I was asked to rewrite it, which I did from scratch. That was a good idea. The story was good, the writing was not. So instead of editing over 90% of it, I decided to scrap it and start over.

However for any of my subsequent works, I have never scrapped a first draft and started over. That’s just dumb. Here’s the trick guys – I edit. I take entire paragraphs that give me that cringe feeling in my gut and I rewrite that small portion.

Point number 2: if you do something over and over again, you not only get better but you get faster. It takes me a few months to write a novel of about 80K words. However I would be very worried if by book 6 of Legacy I won’t be able to write an entire book in about 3 months. I mean if you aren’t improving at a somewhat steady rate, you’re doing something wrong.

So why am I lashing out at this? I’m writing this on a Saturday evening, which is so fucking sad – and a day after I had a huge internal conflict about this very topic. 

The series I’m currently working on is different in that I want it to be serialized fiction – essentially a series of novellas that tell a few bundles of stories (like arc or seasons on a TV show, or maybe a volume in a manga collection.) So I am writing a short story which will serve as the first episode if you will – introducing the reader to the world and characters as well as tell a very interesting story. 

When I wrote the story I was fully in the muse and I love it. Then I tried editing it, which meant I had a shit load of errors. Now here’s when things get bent: I have a routine. Get up, watch some episodes, get to work till late night, sleep and repeat.

Yesterday I thought I had enough strength of will to maybe switch it up and get to work immediately. Bad idea.

My OCD went haywire, my zen took a vacation and I was sweating within the hour over a damn story. I decided to rewrite the story, which I hated. I took the good parts and put it in the original one, which sucked big balls on a major ball sucking level. Then I edited it again, smoothing the rough parts and decided to divide it in chapters (cos it is kinda long). Took one chapter, made it the best I could have made it and then decided to go to a training session.

I didn’t actually make it – no parking. Stress level: High. Very fucking high.

So I go back home, give up on meeting people (because seriously, I was nearly a werewolf by the time I got home) and decided to reach out to my author friends for some help.

I email the chapter to a few authors I know wouldn’t hate me for doing so, and I got somewhat positive feedback. 

And here I am today writing about it. The moral of the story is that you should follow your gut and follow through. Don’t rewrite unless you have to, but always edit your work because seriously, no one is that good.

And that’s my Saturday night, guys.

Till next time,

Ryan

PS. Don’t forget to sign up to my newsletter to receive weekly updates and know first when I have a new promo or book out. You may also get a few prizes down the line.

Interview with Greg Lamb

So here we are guys; Episode 10 of the Lurking Voice and my first ever live interview.

In this episode you get a preamble of about 10 minutes, where I talk and bitch about something or other and then say somethings which may change your life. Seriously, I’m amazing and you should listen to me. (I’m also sick in this part, so my voice has a sexy rumble to it)

Then there’s the interview. This is my longest podcast yet – I chatted with Greg for over a hour and it was some of the best material I have. This guy is deep – a truly wise man with a set heart to do the right thing and help out others.

I’m glad he was my first live show – there definitely was that connection there, where two people can engage in conversation. So thank you Greg.

You can stalk Greg on his website, his Facebook page and his twitter account.

Check out A Dangerous Element as it drops next Thursday, MARCH 13th.

AEC Stellar is doing a release party for A Dangerous Element. I will see you all there.

click here to attend

So here’s the episode. enjoy guys.

 

Rapid Fire

Blue Stahli
www.fixtstore.com/bluestahli 
www.youtube.com/fixtmusic

PS. I’m working to get the podcast set up on iTunes so that everyone can just subscribe from there and all our lives will be easier.

SUBSCRIBE TO MY MAILING LIST HERE

or go to my About Me page and click on the link at the bottom

Cheers guys. Till next time,

Ryan