A Holiday Greeting . . . Of Sorts

OK. Christmas, holiday, greeting, thingy – whatever you believe in.

It doesn’t matter. At this stage we got bigger things to worry about. Like getting through holidays without going insane. Which as Christmas gets closer, is getting way too fucking hard.

First off (Yeah this is gonna be a rant, fuck it), what’s with the going out? Right now I’m arguing with a friend who wants to drag me out. Like seriously?

I avoid going out during the rest of the year because I can’t tolerate people – why the hell would I go out NOW?

Every cocksucker around the block is gonna be hanging around – do you want my internal mass murdered to poke his head out?

(S’up bitches)

Shocker number 2: I don’t drink. Nothing at all.

(seriously, if you’ve seen me at the launch party, you know I should add lubrication of any sort – wow that was a great pun. I deserve points for that one.)

And another thing –

this won’t shock nobody, but I’m single. I don’t wanna see you, or your girl, nor the eleven million couples dry humping in front of me.

I got me some tentacle porn and my fellow acolytes – I’m set, thank you.

 

So I figure, let’s be done with all the bullshit.

(Wow did I fuck up this holiday greeting. Were you really expecting a “Merry Xmas guys”, from me?)

You don’t have to spend time with those you don’t want to. No, You don’t have to go see your family, or your partner’s annoying cousin that lives in another state. And no, if someone is being a bitch, you don’t get them a gift hoping they might change. They’re just gonna be a slightly richer bitch.

So remember this when you’re sneaking vodka in between bites next time you’re at the dinner table and you’re girlfriend’s dad is getting on your dick.

Just remind him that you love this accidental product that he made when his condom broke and that you’re avoiding his dumbass mistake by deepthroating his daughter.

And then just watch.

(Best of all, I may have just ruined eggnog for everyone. . . hehe, woops)

Point is, Christmas is a time to spend with people you love. And for once a year, just once – just let go of all the bullshit. Xmas 2013 isn’t coming ever again. For some of you this could be the last Christmas as a couple, maybe the last one before you have kids. Perhaps coming January you start a different chapter of your life, be it be your own volition or not.

Don’t waste time, period.

 

So out of respect for all y’all, I’m not gonna tell you that I have Firstborn and Dread Night online, waiting for you to buy them.

( Although I have received my copy of Firstborn and it is one sexy mofo)

I will however politely remind you that I still intend to use your reviews for my first blog post of 2014. So go and post them.

I will also happily share with you that I just handed in Legacy Book 2 today (Tentatively called Memories, but it may change – hence the ‘tentatively’). I have three separate bodies of work I wanna get out next year, so I suggest you brace yourself for the Ryan goodness.

I’m gonna end on this: each and every one of my fans has my thanks. Thank you for taking a chance on an unknown author. Thank you for your feedback. Thank you for participating.

My job is to create a world – yours is to populate it.

 

Peace out, happy holidays and know that you rule all there is to be rules, my acolytes.

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One comment on “A Holiday Greeting . . . Of Sorts
  1. Eesh says:

    This was (wrongly) hilarious to me! But I see your point. I’m looking forward to reading Book 2! The first was amazeballs.

    Happy Holidays Ryan! Enjoy your tentacle porn 🙂

    xx
    Eesh

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